Soulful Reflection.

November 19, 2009

Honestly this is a sad day. Ngayon na ililibing ang Lola ko. Nag-iisa na siya, I dont have any Lola and Lolo's on either side. SIya na nga lang tapos nawala pa. She'd been a very very good provider for us. Their are tough times on is minsan and she's always there to support us. Siya na lang ang nagsisilbing link para magkita-kita ang magre-relatives.

But now, how we'll see each other if the reason kung kaya kami nagkikita eh kinuha na. Buut I know that the Lord has better plans for her.

First time ko mawalan ng mahal sa buhay and I can barely say na ganito pala. Its hard.

Just to share na din..

Nung una ko nalaman na patay na ang Lola ko, ewan ko wala ako naramdaman. Its just para, "ok, she's died"

Then I realized na later effect lang pala ako. Na-feel ko siya later on.

Naalala ko na tumira nga pala ako sa kanila ng matagal na panahon at siya ang nag-aruga sa akin. Nung mga deep times ko pa eh kasama ko siya. Nung nagka-chicken pox ako, siya lang ang kumupkop sakin. And thousand other reasons.

Yung kapatid ng Inay ko, minsan lang yun pumunta samin. Gawa lang ng Nanay kaya siya pumupunta eh pano yan wala na ang Nanay.

Mabigat na yung mata ko dahil sa luha. Grabe bumuhos talaga ang luha ko. YUng hindi arte. Talgang totoo.

Nakita ko rin yung mga lost kamag-anaks ganyan. Ang dami-dami nila. Yung mga pinsan ko na nag-asawa na agad. Here they are. Nagkita-kita kami.

Masaya pero malungkot. I think one of the hardest times is nung ililibing na siya which is kanina. Grabe talaga ang lungkot ko. Humagulhol na ako.

Wala nang babantayan ang aking kapatid.

Wala nang iisipin ang aking mga tiyahin na may ina silang uuwian.

Yung Tita Fely ko, may parang galit yun sa Nanay. Andun siya-parang namimili-milipit dun. Ayaw niyang ipakita na down siya.

Ang Tita Dalene yun, she loves Menard. She touches me nung gabi ng last wake na parang sign na, she cares for me.

Ganun.

Ano pa ba ang masasabi ko tungkol dito. Yun, bumuhos ng maraming suporta para sa aking Nanay. Grabe talaga.

Nakakatuwa. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng mamatayan. One of a kind. Pero sabi nga nila eh una-una lang yan.

Mixed feelings din naman kase parang yung school pa it interfers, may itinu-tuitor pa ako.

The better thing about that naman is that I found out kung ano ba yung gusto ko tlaga na mangyari. Ayoko mawala ang Inay ko na di ko nagagawa ang mga dapat. Tita Ellen was crying kase parang her mother was born poor and died poor. Wala na.

Its a purpose driven living now.

King may maisip pa akong idagdag eh di part 2 na lang.

this day.

Le 6 Octobre 2009 le maison

Ngayon lang uli nakapag-blog. Ahm now, am happy with what is happening. I have many achievements as of now- personal, academically, spiritually etc. etc. In simpler views, am having a total life changes ata.

Kanina we had participated in a debate then yun nung una parang natakot ako kase naman mga scholars yung kalaban ko. And- I know that my say naman din sila. This time, kateam up ko yung aking mga kaklase na sina Ate Armie at Trizia. Yun, as we believed we did our best. Pero as I assesed parang kulang pa din. Di naman sa nagyayabang but I thinked their is a much higher peak than this. Yun, and am continue working on that.

Kahit pano din naman eh marami na din ako na-achieve at nai-sacrifice. Now, I do not have what I can call barkadas. Yeah, I have friends but still their not penetrating something deep within me. Yung feeling na parang mababaw pa yung pagkaunawa nila sa akin. I have a friend ALthea, which I think commonly misinterpret me. I dunno. She is much used to say na mayabang ako.( Mayabang ba ako?..)

Hay, kung san-san na napupunta yung mga discussions natin. Masaya ako kase yung mga family matters turns a better way na for me.

And yung grammar ko turns a whole lot better. Siguro talagang mas nakikipag-usap lang ako ngayon in English kaya ganun. Marami yung nagsasabi- di naman ako eh. That is my matrix- Badeth and Reena of m2B. Ahm yung si judge sa debate.

Hay ang dami talaga. Nakakatuwa. So accomplishing personally.

Tapos yung sa academically eh yun medyo nadi-discover. But I feel deep within me that their is much more thing to discover personally. Bata pa naman ako. Sana what Sir Allan imparted on me as an email which says. " "yehey! it's good to be part of this. i'm always happy every time you participate. keep that up, mark! wait for a bigger responsibility. i believe in you and i want you to excel. God bless"..

Thats a partial email, siempre yung ibang details eh personal na. Masya yung feeling na may nakaka-appreciate nung mga ginagawa mo. Hehe.

Yun lang naman muna I think for now.

Mamaya na uli ako online. May gagawin pa din muna ako.

I realized it.

As I woke up this morning..

I realized that I should not regret any day of my life

good days give me happiness..

bad days give me experiences..

both are really essential to life..

happiness keep me SWEET..

trials make me STRONG..

sorrows keep me HUMAN..

failures make me HUMBLE..

success keeps me GROWING..

and lastly GOD keeps me GOING..

I gotta me.

mark,

nakalimot ako! God is there nga pala. Dami na namang problems na aking hinharap. But God is there no matter what. This is a great guideline for me na mas magtiwala pa sa kanya. Their had been this dry seasons ( very the same ) through that, di naman ako iniwan ni Lord. Thank God!

However, life must go on. Tomorrow, I have to go to the church, sa may cathedral. Dami kase kelangan na ayusin. Pero alam ko andun na agad si God. God will provide painstakingly.

I trust Him on the good times, more on this trying times.

May kasalanan pa nga ako sa magulang ko. Sana ma-settle ko. Pano ba to. Life is good and easy. I know.

Malalampasan ko to.

Thats the spirit.